Resets and Resolutions

At the beginning of a new year, many people turn their thoughts to new things they’d like to do to increase their sense of wellbeing and happiness. We set intentions toward developing new habits and achieving new goals. This past year (2020) has been particularly rough and perhaps you’d like to reset your life in some important way. There is nothing magical about a new year, of course, but psychologically our minds are motivated by meaningful milestones – January 1st, the first of the month, our birthday, our wedding anniversary. While some New Year resolutions stick, unfortunately, all too often, good intentions fall to the wayside in just a few weeks. It happens to nearly all of us. We start out gun-ho and things fizzle out by mid-January.

Consider Your Personal Values, Strengths, and Identity

Over the past few years, I’ve read quite a lot about habit formation and how mastery, our sense of autonomy and achievement, leads to contentment. I think the first ingredient for success is to make certain that our intentions align with the things we most dearly value. And what we do and how we do it should capitalize on your signature character strengths. Its hard adopting new habits and achieving big goals. I think one of the reasons why we struggle so often is we don’t take enough time to think deeply about the why and the how … we focus too much on the what we are trying to do or achieve without being clear about whether it connects to who we are — to our identity.

Writing a personal mission statement can help you clarify your values. If calling it a personal mission statement sounds much too serious or pompous to you, just call it a personal motto, manifesto, quest, or declaration. There is no right or wrong way to write a personal mission statement. The intent is to give you some clarity about what gives you a sense of purpose and how you plan to use your talents in a constructive way. This statement can be as short as a five-word sentence; in that case, you might call it your personal motto. Most mission statements contain a series of brief declarations about the things you care about the most and the ways in which you plan to make a difference in the world. Unless you are a gifted writer, your initial drafts probably won’t ring true for you; the words just won’t convey your thoughts as precisely as you want. That’s OK. Your mission statement is not written in stone and you don’t need to post it on the Internet. This is a reflective exercise.

I also encourage you to complete the Character Strengths Questionnaire (click on the hyperlink) to determine your signature strengths. All of us have a unique combination of skills, talents, and personal qualities that predispose us to do well at certain types of activities.

A signature strength feels:

• Essential: the strength is central to who you are as a person.
• Effortless: when you enact the strength, it feels easy.
• Energizing: using the strength uplifts you and you are ready to take on more.

Our strengths are a product of both innate aptitude and learned behavior. Although having some innate capacity is helpful, it is only through formal learning and, most importantly, repeated practice that we can fully develop our strengths. Regularly drawing on our strengths in our personal and professional endeavors help us find greater meaning and purpose in our lives … which in turn reinforcing our values in a perpetual feedback loop. 

Perhaps you already have a personal mission statement. Now would be a good time to go back and revisit it. Does it still “ring true” for you? Does it capture what you believe are the essential elements of your life, your strengths, your values? Are there things that are no longer central to your life? Is there something new in your life that you now think should be included? Or perhaps the wording isn’t quite right. Don’t be afraid to revise or embellish it. The key to keep your personal mission statement in mind as you create your vision and plan to carry out your resolutions.

Establish Your Goals

Now it’s time to think about the things you’d like to work toward or create this year. It can be spending more quality time with friends, leading a healthier life, completing a major project at work, starting a side-gig, or achieving peace with someone with whom you’ve had a conflict.

It may be helpful to think about the various domains of your life. While our wellbeing is the result of many factors, Cal Newport suggests that a “deep and satisfying life” emerges from four domains: craft, constitution, community, and contemplation.

• Craft – the things we do to develop our sense of mastery and that bring value to the world. These can be the things you do through your work (e.g. your work-related skills) or through a meaningful hobby (e.g. playing a musical instrument, woodworking) where you produce something.
• Constitution – these are things we do to optimize our physical health. This includes things like your dietary habits, physical activity, sleep, and getting recommended preventative care from health professionals.
• Community – these are things we do to increase your social connections. This includes things that you do to enhance your relationships with your family, your friends, your neighbors, and your work colleagues. It also includes things like volunteering and community service.
• Contemplation – these are things that deepen your sense of self and awareness of your values. This includes engaging in spiritual traditions and religious services when it evokes a greater awareness of (or reinforces) your “why.” This also includes activities that increase your sense of gratitude, awe, and inner peace.

If you’d like some additional guidance on how to structure your plan, read this blog essay by Cal Newport entitled: Cultivating a Deep Life.

Envision Your Best Future Self

Visualizing your success significantly increases the odds that you’ll achieve your goals. Visualization techniques are routinely used by professional athletes to improve their performance. Students who visualized performing well on an exam outperformed those who didn’t.

The key to visualization is to create a detailed mental “scene” of your desired outcome as if it has already been achieved. For example, if you want to mend a relationship with someone, visualize it as happening right now. In your imagination, what do you see? What are you saying? What do you hear? What can you smell or touch or taste? Who’s in it? How do they feel?

Some people find it helpful to draw a picture or create a vision board of the scene achieved. When you visualize yourself performing the desired activity or achieving the desired state, be sure to imagine it from your perspective – rather than, as most people do, as if you are watching a movie of yourself. Remember, you are inhabiting this visualized state — you are not a spectator.

Repetition adds extra power to your visualization. Place yourself in that “scene” several times a day. Integrate the feeling of this imagined “current” reality throughout the day – and it will blend into who you are. Its inevitability will grow more and more natural and “evident” to your brain; the desired reality will increasingly feel as if it is already your reality.

The beauty of visualization is that you can practice new patterns and actions in your mind without fear of failure in the physical world. Visualization allows you to make multiple attempts to get it right – before you even try it. By trying alternatives and correcting mistakes during visualization, you are programming your mind to help you envision and overcome obstacles.

As you focus on your goal, add positive, encouraging vibes. Make positive affirmations to yourself: that your goal exists or is now coming to you. Smile and celebrate the victory as it is occurring in your imagination. When you add these “affirmations”, you diminish inner resistance, self-doubt, and negative thoughts. You suspend disbelief and reinforce the notion that your goal is real, good, possible, and enjoyable.

Make Your Vision a Reality

The simplest and most universal way to “transitioning” your visualization into your day-to-day life is to begin to live as if you have succeeded! Carry yourself, speak, dress, gesture, and in general, look, sound, and act like the person you want to be. Assume your new identity!

You may experience negative or self-doubting thoughts. This is common. But as soon as you notice a negative thought like “I can’t do that”, just replace it with a counter-positive thought and visualize yourself doing it. Maintain a clear, positive mental vision of the actions you plan to take. 

By planning the path to success in detail, you will avoid the error of ignoring obstacles. This is the difference between effectively visualizing positive results and pure fantasy. Focus on actionable tasks rather than the ultimate destination. Some elements of your vision may be relatively easy to achieve – with some effort you might be able to make real progress toward your future self in the next few days, weeks, or months. Other parts of your vision might require years of persistent effort.

Develop a list of concrete actions that you can take that will move your closer to your envisioned future. These are the things that amplify or improve your chances for success. In addition, think about the things you can do that would diminish sources of distraction that divert your attention away from or obstacles that might hinder your progress toward achieving your goals.

You may wish to create a table like this:

If your goal requires you to adopt new habits, such as walking 10,000 steps every day or spending Sunday afternoons reading books, you need to take your general goal statements and make them even more concrete, more specific. To set your intention, consider following this pattern:

I will [BEHAVIOR] at [TIME] in [LOCATION].

Even better, you can link your intended habit to a habit you already have well-formed. This is what James Clear in his book Atomic Habits calls habit stacking. For example, to help you achieve 10,000 steps a day, you might write:

I will walk the 2-mile loop [BEHAVIOR] around my neighborhood [LOCATION] after dinner every night [TIME] immediate after I load the dishwasher [OTHER HABIT].

Experiment with this new “habit” for a few weeks. How often did you actually walk the 2-mile loop around your neighborhood? When you didn’t engage in your new “habit,” what were the barriers? In this example, perhaps it was the weather that thwarted your efforts, or perhaps your family went out to dinner and so you didn’t load the dishwasher. Is there a way to address these barriers? Perhaps the timing needs to be tweaked? Perhaps you need to link your new habit to some other activity? In other words, be open to adjusting your plans to reach your goals.

Make it a Journey, Not A Destination

Lastly, our New Year’s resolutions should focus on the overarching goal, not a destination or specific tactic employed to achieve it. For example, if your vision is to be more physically fit, then walking 10,000 steps every day is but one tactic that could be implemented to achieve that goal. There are many other tactics and strategies that you may wish to try during your journey toward being a physically fit person. When you’ve successfully implemented the tactic, your work isn’t done! The tactic was not the destination. Your goal is a journey – a vision of your best future self. You can always find new ways to be more physically fit – to elevate your constitution. And you can always find new ways to improve your craft. New ways to engage in your community. New ways to enhance your contemplation. Some of your tactics won’t work out as planned. Don’t tie your “success” to the faithful execution of tactics. Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t work out as planned. You haven’t “failed” – you just haven’t found the right tactics. Remember, the tactic is not the goal – it merely one means (among many) to achieve your best future self. Self-compassion, flexibility, and perseverance are essential. Focus on the process. Derive satisfaction from the positive steps you’ve taken toward your goals. No matter what happens, you’ve learned something of value that will be useful as you continue your journey.

My goal this year is to increase my sense of peace and tranquility. My initial tactic is to spend more time with my wife outdoors, enjoying nature – intentionally savoring the moments walking around the neighborhood with our dog (Jed Walker), sitting in our back yard, hiking, kayaking, and spending lazy afternoons reading in our hammocks. And then writing in my journal about the experience that night with some gratitude reflections.

So here my intention for 2021. I will spend 2 hours outdoors engaged in contemplative activities every Sunday immediately after eating lunch – weather permitting. I will write a brief summary of what I saw, felt, heard, perhaps smelled, and contemplated in my DayOne journal using my iPad every Sunday night, sitting in my reading chair in the bedroom, just before crawling into bed. In my mind’s eye, I can see it all very clearly – as if it’s happening now.

P.S. Music can help you achieve your vision and goals. Listen to inspiring songs to get you into the mood to tackle hard tasks, deepen commitment, and enhance deep thinking. Try this playlist if you are in a contemplative mood: Yoga Apothecary-September

Reference: Pham LB, Taylor SE. From thought to action: effects of process-versus outcome-based mental simulations on performance. Personality Soc Psych Bull 1999; 25 (2): 250-60.

Cheers-

Stuart